Say ahhhhh.....

In so many ways, saying ahhhhh right now is so precisely right. The opening of the yap and the sigh of relief for the outcome.

I was a smoker, on and off, for many years. It has been a little over 12 years since I quit smoking for good. I watched my mother die of lung cancer. I held her hand as she passed. Very recently, I have been worried about what was going on with my body, convinced that cigarettes have finally caught up with me. That funny looking spot on my lip that wasn't going away. But, that's not the cause... this is from too much sun exposure.

I am lily white. I never tanned, I burned and peeled. I have had sun poisoning more than once. I finally gave it all up at the age of 28. I had spent a long day at the beach with friends. It was fun, but the after effects were not. Our family trips to the beach afterwards were spent slathered in sunscreen or covered up, and definitely not outdoors during peak hours. Still... last Saturday afternoon I was at the dermatologist's office having a minor procedure done to remove a precancerous growth from the right half of my lower lip. Right now, it ain't fun and it sure ain't pretty, but it beats the alternatives. Time marches on.

My son reminded me yesterday that he will be 18 this October. I'm having a hard time taking that in. I knew it would happen. When I was pregnant I used to think... when he's 18, I'll be 51... it was such a long way off back then. But, here we are. I actually had to think out loud the other day, 'how old am I?'... I am still 50. For another 2 months or so, I am still 50. I find my memory banks to be a little harder to tap into.... maybe the mental Rolodex needs a bit of WD-40? WTF?

Seriously, WTF???

So, to combat some of this (what's the word I want?...) ennui? laissez-faire? (why can I come up with FRENCH and not ENGLISH words now?) I am planning some adventures for the next few weeks.

Some friends from Lyon will be in town the weekend of June 27 for the Gay Pride Parade. We have plans to meet up for lunch at Pooja, but we'll play it by ear. If you haven't been to a Gay Pride Parade in Paris, you are truly missing something... music, costumes, a lot of fun! (Guy, where are you??)

If you happen to be in Paris on July 5, meet me and a few other summer stragglers at the Eiffel Tower for a big sing-a-long. This is a Facebook event... the song is still being decided upon. Hopefully, it will be something everyone can sing. The big favorites being debated so far? "La Vie en Rose" (meh) and "We Will Rock You" (barf). How about "Imagine" or "All You Need is Love"? Something with meaning that everyone can sing... "Three Little Birds"? In any case, a friend is coming over from NYC and we will be spending July 4th at the Olympia with CSN. "Find the Cost of Freedom" would be a great song, but it's too short, and besides, how many French young-uns know the words to that? Hope to see you there. Here's one we can all relate to:

I will survive...

There are places I remember...

I was there in 2002, the era of Bush, Chirac and Colin Powell. It was the first Memorial Day following September 11. We had invitations from the US Embassy to attend and a group of us drove up for the day. Our driver (a friend with the biggest van) picked us up bright and early and we hit the autoroute... we had a great time enjoying the camaraderie and rare moment of being together for something that wasn't office related.

As we approached Colleville, the streets were lined with French and American flags and military "checkpoints". We had to show our invitations and passports several times along the way. We arrived early as told, which gave us plenty of time to park and get good seats.

Going into the cemetery took my breath away. Knowing the events which took place there, and the enormity of the loss of life, I couldn't help but be moved by the vast number, row after row after row... of grave markers. The sea in the background and the decorated veterans who survived...

I am a military brat. I have written about this before. "Taps" starts the tears. Fly-bys do me in. Once the ceremonies were over, I pulled myself together and we finally had the opportunity to walk around and visit the grounds. I found myself standing and chatting with U.S. Navy Rear Admiral Larry Poe, overlooking the beach. Lots of stars and bars for a Navy brat like me.

If you have not yet been to Normandy, put it on the list of must-see places to visit in France. It is such an awe-inspiring place to be. The museums and sites will stay with you forever. To have been there for a special ceremony was a privilege, but I need to go back and spend a day there. It's a peaceful place to be.

Some have gone and some remain.

Toits de Paris...

A lot to be said about the light in Paris... in all seasons. This was taken about an hour ago, 10pm... still light enough for that fabulous twilight blue to come through.

These past few weeks have been an exercise in patience... waiting for too many outcomes, just glad they have all turned out well. Now it is time to turn the page and move on.

Spring is very much here; and even though it is still chilly, the days are really getting longer, Rolland Garros is just around the corner and I will soon be heading to my favorite respite. Then, before you know it, summer will be here with la fête de la musique and friends coming to visit! Where does the time go?

Chim-chiminy...

The way you do the things you do...

Gotta love Facebook. I know, I know, enough already, but... dig this! Just in today's posts I learned about restitution, retaliation and resurrection! Might I add [sic] for all?... Enjoy!

Restitution Q:
OK fellow FB'ers....anyone have an Ipod Guro who can rehab a rain-soaked Ipod?

Restitution A:
"Turn it off immediately. Put it in a bag of dry rice. Put the bag in a warm spot. Voilà!"
"ouch! then to reboot - hold down the menu button & center button at the same time for 10 seconds."
"DO NOT turn it on until dry (1-2 days in the rice). Water and circuit boards don't mix."

Retaliation Q:
?? "is figuring out how to retaliate. there's this long-running feud with her upstairs neighbor. he just broke out a saxophone and it sounds like he hasn't played it in a decade. he can barely blow a clean note. should ?? (a) make the dog bark, (b) get out her violin, (c) get out her irish tin whistle, or (d) bang on the ceiling with the broom handle?"

Retaliation A: (lots of them!)
"...we generally bang on the ceiling. And last weekend, early in the morning, we turned the speakers up towards the ceiling and blasted the stereo!!!"
"Make the dog bark while banging the violin on the ceiling. Save the whistle for later."
"No, no, no. Don't fight fire with fire. Call him up and tell him you think the sax is so sexy."
"Play the violin badly, if you can, and hopefully the dog will bark along with you."
"(e) All of the above...simultaneously."

Resurrection Q:
?? is asking "for help for our new worship service: anyone got any good resources (web or print) that have great assurances of pardon that will work for a more post-modern service? Or if you don't have resources, what would you want to hear about God's grace?"

Resurrection A:
""One fact remains that does not change: God has loved you, loves you now, and will love you always. This is the good news that brings us new life." It cites Women and Worship and is from the New Century Hymnal (we refer to it as "assurance of God's forgiveness" in our order of worship). I also like many of the resources found at Outside the Box prayers."
"Seriously, something from your heart, if you have to chunk this in, and have to follow Is. 6, do it completely from your heart...the key is for it not to be a formula...but then again, is Is. 6, the only way to see the USA...post modern style?"
"hehehe, i love that you're working towards a more "post-modern" service"...

You make my life complete...

Death and taxes....

Come what may.

I'm knee-deep in French taxes. Another word for it is Ciel Hell. Ugh. I am not an accountant. I remember a long ago 25 question college course pop quiz. I got all 10 math problems right and all 15 true or false theory questions wrong. Need I say more? Now, take all that, put it into French, and then, apply French tax laws. You can SEE how much FUN I am having, non?? As they say in Skype... (puke). Due date? May 1st. Death is more inviting. So much so, that I am thinking of my submission for a project called "A Book About Death".

A friend here in Paris, Matthew Rose (an avant-garde artist), is the brainchild for this project and he has put together an idea for a book and website... 1000 artists contribute 500 post cards each to create an unbound book about death. Exhibition at the Emily Harvey Foundation Gallery in New York City. Opening: Thursday, 10 September, 2009. Exhibition: 10-22 September 2009.

When I first heard of this project I knew exactly what I wanted to submit. A photo of the church library where my mom spent many of her last days, which is adjacent to where she is now buried. It is a stark black and white image and, as it was almost Christmas when she died, the doors have wreaths, rendering them almost too festive. I have been going through boxes and piles looking for the negatives. I'll find them, and the shot I want, and I will submit it as a part of this project. It is a cathartic way to honor a memory and let it go at the same time. I have found the letting go part to be really hard, even though it has been almost nine years.

In any case, I hope you will take a look at what has been submitted thus far. There is a lot of love to be found, and a lot of creative expression, in many forms.

Nothing is certain...

Fairy tales can come true...

Remember these ladies from last spring? They still look fab! Et moi?... I'm giving the daily walk another go, only this time I have a long-distance motivator who has promised to nag if I nag back. Nothing like a little guilt to get you going, and it felt good to get out and enjoy the weather; April in Paris this year is truly spectacular!

A lot has been going on since my last post. Life changing stuff that needs to be settled, new career of sorts, travel... I want to thank those of you who wrote to see if everything was okay. All is well, just laying low for a little bit.

Right now, it's time for some shameless plugging... here we go! Some friends (who are fans of Paris) have blogs you might enjoy. Kirsten's blog, Write On Thyme has lots of nice photos and tips on places to visit... Starman's blog, Le Rêve Français feature highlights from his visits to France. (They both have music, adjust your speaker volume!)

Des Américains à Paris is happening at the Jardin d'Acclimatation from April 11 through May 10, open every day from 10am to 7pm. There is SO much going on, I've cut to the chase and linked you directly to the event PDF...

How about a little Paris in America? My friend Lindsey will be showing her works at the 12th International Sculpture Objects & Functional Art Fair (SOFA) in New York City from April 16-19 at the Park Avenue Armory. She did an amazing sculpture of red ballerina slippers in porcelain, covered with 7000 red Swarovski rhinestones. It's beautiful! Stop by booth #419 and say hello!

Okay, phew... feeling better now. Hope you'll find some inspiration in here somewhere...

Spring has sprung!

The day is long...

I have been thinking about my grandmother for the past few days. Songs have been coming on the iTunes radio station I listen to... and this afternoon, my cousin gave me a call. We talked for a long time. I enjoy his calls... easy rambling and lots of good laughs. It was nice to share memories of Gram with him.

I am the first grandchild. I have special memories of time spent with my grandmother. The Florida coast, Michigan, North Carolina... In 1967, I spent a lot of time with her. I was nine years old. She had just gone through a divorce, we were in transition from the military to a civilian life... it was easier for me to stay with her for a few weeks. It was the best time ever. We played Yahtzee and Scrabble, ate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and watched Johnny Carson. She smoked like a chimney and enjoyed her Crown Royal in the evening. I still use one of her blue Crown Royal bags for the Scrabble tiles.

This photo was taken at Clark Lake, Michigan on June 24, 1950... 8 years before I was born. It's of my great-grandmother, Charlotte; my grandmother, Rachel; and and my great-aunt, Rhea. I can see my mom's face in all of them, and now I know where the chin comes from!

She called me in Paris on the Wednesday before she died. We had a nice long conversation, got to say a lot of things and gave each other our love when we hung up. I went off to the house in the country for the weekend. We had no phone and no one nearby to reach us. When we got home that Sunday night the answering machine was blinking like crazy... I was on a flight the next day.

At her service, I was in the car with my cousin and three of my brothers. A few songs came on the radio that will be forever etched in that moment. I miss you, Gram...

Hold on...